Tuesday, October 27th, 2020: Day 0 - The 30 Day Bali Silent Retreat Challenge Review
In the morning at 8 a.m. I started in Kerobokan, a suburb of Denpasar in Bali. I left my homestay Kampoeng Saya with the bicycle, heading towards the Bali Silent Retreat north of Tabanan. One month of isolation at Bali Silent Retreat is laying ahead of me. Without talking and being offline for most of the time. Meditation, Yoga, sport, thinking time, ... yes and writing ... shall take care of mind and body.
Preparation for Bali Silent Retreat
It actually started already the evening before, when I was editing the settings of my WhatsApp and Email accounts. A quite liberating feeling overcame me, writing the short messages. Because I have been waiting for this moment for quite a while. Actually, since I went for a day visit to the resort, to find out if the energy at the Bali Silent Retreat suits me. So, I put a notice in WhatApp: "Offline until Dec. 2, 2020. In urgent cases send me an email www.4ster.de" And further, setting up the autoresponder for my email inbox: "Thank you for your message. I am offline until Dec. 2, 2020. If it is still relevant, please resend your message after Dec.2. Thank you for your understanding. Vital and happy regards Klaus Forster" I did not expect many people have understanding for this.
Why would someone do this? Leaving his loved one alone, and on top of that punishing himself with neither talking, neither staying connected for 30 days nor even more? It seemed to be quite crazy. Apparently, I was not sure, if I will be able to do so for the entire time. But, I was inquisitive, about what my mind will come up with, in an environment of peace and quietness, to an extent I never experienced before. Well, talking to yourself and listen to your inner voice becomes easy, when having complete quietness, peace, and time on your own. And your intuition is able to give you a lot of answers to questions, you were not able to answer yourself before. So, let's get started and see, what I will learn by taking this challenge.
The 35 km bike ride started about one hour later as planned, due to the rain in the morning. Penebel, a village in the North of Tabanan, near to the volcano Batu Karu, was the destination. And due to the elevated location at the mountain, the ride went mostly uphill and took about 4 hours, including a break for a young coconut in Mengwi, and another one in Tabanan for a snack. Along the way I was listening 3 times to the translation of the Mental Strength Training Day 3 in the Indonesian language, to improve my Bahasa Indonesia skills.
It explained the concept of a training plan for mental strength. And how essential it is, to plan recovery after training. Because the growth takes place during the recovery phases. Of course, only if there was some training before. And training for mental strength means, to have phases of stress. The alternation between stress and relaxation makes you mentally strong, and stress-resistant. Whereas permanent stress weakens you and makes you sick, which can be considered a stupid training concept. It almost weakens as much as permanent relaxation, which may be considered as laziness.
Arrival at Bali Silent Retreat
Finally, at noon I arrived at Bali Silent Retreat. The check-in procedure, was short because I already had the introduction to the place on the day I visit 3 weeks ago. And I was happy about the quick procedure because I couldn't wait to take a shower and to get out of my clothes, which were soaking wet due to the uphill bike ride during the almost hottest part of the day.
After the shower, I took a short relaxation nap and did my eye training. Lately, I experienced, that my farsightedness got worse after I got a new pair of reading glasses. After I accidentally sat down on my old ones and broke the frame. So that they became unusable. In the shop, I tried some and chose some stronger ones with -1.75 on both eyes, instead of -1.25 and -1.5 as my old ones. In the beginning, I was so happy and proud of the new ones, because they made reading and working on the computer so much easier.
But, after a while, I realized, that due to the increased strength, my ability to read without them got even worse. So, I did some research, how to heal that. And I learned, the farsightedness increases if you do not want to see something near you. Not only optically, but also mentally. Basically, it is the projection, that you ignore something in your surroundings. And that's why healing starts with realizing that there is a problem within you or with one of your loved ones, which you want to ignore. Improving your awareness of that is the first step of healing. Expressing the problem the next one. Solving it in an open conversation with yourself or the involved person is the actual healing process. I was able to identify it and solve it. But, I can not really be proud of how I solved it.
Due to my strong desire for freedom, I had some open relationships with several girlfriends. Basically 3 at that time. Because I believe, monogamy is a religious brainfuck and against human nature. Actually, it is against nature! There are no monogamous animals. The girlfriend, with which I spent the majority of the time, said, she accepted my desire. But she wanted to be monogamous with me. Which was fine with me. But at the same time, I felt that it hurt her when I met one of my other girlfriends.
I kept ignoring it, because she kept telling me, that her only concern was, that other people were talking bad about me, due to having many girlfriends. Further, I ignored, how much she felt ashamed about that. Anyway, we had great sex and plenty of it. I wanted to make her a well-fucked woman, and so I did. But, it did not make her happy in our relationship. Even if she really grew mentally and her energy was blooming.
Then I met another woman during a cacao ceremony, and she already inspired my mind, when I saw her. During the ceremony, we did some sharing, which is telling the other person something about yourself. For example: What you are currently happy about, or how your perfect day would look like. And she did one sharing with me and another one with my girlfriend. In the end, we shared phone numbers to remain in contact.
A day later, she sent me a message: "Do you like to join for a blessing?" We have a group of 12 people and we are going to a waterfall in the north of Bali. I had an easy time to join because this woman was fascinating to me. During the trip, she told me, that my girlfriend was texting her about me. And that what she wrote, was not very positive. I still had in my mind, that my girlfriend was worried about, how other people think about me. But finally, she translated what my girlfriend wrote about me. And it was her, who was talking, in fact writing bad about me!
Honestly, I did not know how to handle the situation! So, I asked her to leave me alone that evening. I need time on my own to think and to understand the situation. She turned up anyway. I was so angry, that I asked her to leave me alone. She took the kitchen knife and asked me: "Do you want that I kill myself?" I just kept a distance from her, because I worried, that the knife could end up somewhere in my body.
And I said: "If you want to stay here, that's fine. I can go. But I do not want to stay with you tonight. I need time on my own." I took my scooter key and wanted to leave the room. But with a twist of her hand, she took it out of my hand. Still having the knife in her other hand. Well, there is nothing more dangerous in this world than a jealous woman! So, I left the room and went to the beach, where I walked along the shore half of the night. That gave me enough distance, to think and feel. And I knew, this relationship is beyond all repair, fucked up, and over!
Any medical activity, like lasering the eyes, glasses, contact lenses, can only help to make the symptom disappear. But as long as the root cause is not solved, it will come back after a while, even stronger. Because the symptom only wants to make you aware of the problem and guide you to solve it. In case you ignore it, by suppressing it, you prove that you have not learned your lesson. Consequently, you will get a second lesson about the same issue. That is like in school: If you do not learn the lesson and fail in the exam, you got to repeat the semester or school year. Apart from the influence of the mental inability of being sensitive for your soundings towards eyesight, there is also an influence from the optical ability to focus on a short distance to your understanding of your intimate relationships.
Training your eyes has an effect on your mental flexibility. And that's why, I started again doing eye training, to regain the flexibility of my eye lenses. The evening sound bath was my entertainment after dinner on my arrival day. This time I managed not to fall asleep during it. And so, I was able to enjoy listening to the singing bowls during sunset and while it got slowly dark. My thoughts floated away. And as much as I can remember, turned around some SEO activities for my webpage. But it did not come to any clear result, vision, or inspiration, which seemed to be worthwhile remembering.
After that I went to the firehouse, and settled down in the hammock, watching the burning wood. At about 9 o clock it was time to go to bed. Yes, that is early here. Due to no electricity, apart from some solar driven lamps, it is dark after sunset. And even for reading a book, the light hardly lasts. And due to neither mobile network nor WiFi. the possibilities for entertainment from your modern mobile devices is very limited. Have you ever tried to use your smartphone without an internet connection? It becomes a pretty boring device, quite quickly. So, I went to bed early and followed my self-healing meditation for farsightedness. During which I fell asleep.